Read this small collection of unmissable tales provoking the feelings evoked by mental health disorders! Unmissable! Survivors, Carers, Professionals and Students will benefit from the shocking experience! Raising awareness for Bipolar, BPD, Schizophrenia and more! POURING THESE PAINFUL EMOTIONAL TALES ON TO THE PAGE SAVED MY LIFE!!!
Air rushes past my face as the iron bird disappears, visual panorama,
Of sapphire, emerald and gold the dream of a life we once did behold.
My hand clutches the cord. Fear forces my grip,
As the world rushes beneath me,
Memories do mar and excruciatingly strip.
Last year we did here meet, across the vast azure sea,
And under the shade of the imported palm trees.
We did lie on the sand and bathe in the deep,
Warm sea breezes and the children at our feet.
And as I look down I fancy I see,
Glittering shadows of how our life could now be.
The oceanic roar, or a flood of hard rushing air,
My wits distracted by the kayaks rolling on the cerulean glare.
Deliberations and dreams they now incarcerate me,
I remember feeling blissful a sensation I cannot foresee.
My sight darkens to visions and all I can perceive are the crabs dancing in moonlight and the floodlit pools,
The waiters there serving a feast for all.
We were a family then, but you say that cannot be,
And now I only have a tropical land mass memory.
Of Mynahs and tigers, toucans and sharks,
Swirling great rivers and eroded arcs,
Bustling coral and feeding fish,
If I could go back to that it would fulfill my only wish.
But if my life is only in contented memories drenched,
And each day a field of forlorn toil my recompense;
Then tear the skin from my flesh, and sear the flesh from the bones, for it must be less painful than this,
I have tried to forget the homeliness.
And now as the breeze beats hard on my face,
My one final joy is to others disgrace,
For there is one way to retain those days of joy ,
And it will only take simple courage and a loose grip to employ.
In an impoverished cruel world she walks,
Forcing a moonshine smile that hides stifled searing tears,
Choking back she integrates with a soulless community,
Altruism is a myth and disappointment reigns supreme.
In silent moments behind closed doors she lets blood,
Beating the walls to release the pain burning inside,
Fighting the two persons struggling in her clouded mind,
Both alone even without each other screaming to belong.
To love, to live, to be loved and escape the desolation,
Which stings more each long thunderous day,
Like a poisoned dog she prays the inexplicable pain would stop,
As times rolls on so too does her sad swim into despair.
Her cries lost in the darkness until one grim night,
The numbness sets in zombiefied the blood flows
And an endless sleep consumes….
Now stands an ironic memorial in her name,
It reads beloved wife and daughter,
Yet lays covered with rotting weeds,
Engulfed by the stale stench of neglect!
The world is just colourful visions, soundless.
Unbearable pain sears through my skull, drilling,
You’re there my sibling then you’re gone,
The catalyst that ends all security,
When you leave a piece of me dies daily,
Alienated in a hostile world I cannot comprehend.
Timeless silence melts down with pure rage,
Kin structure collapses I am alone,
Floating restlessly in an abundant sea,
Moving on sucked amongst disguised sharks,
Looking for what I wished I had,
Feeling the pain of other’s cruelty cutting,
Directionless, suspended in a watery grave.
For a time I find a false hope, fighting fate,
Love of kinds embalmed with jealousy,
Thwarted with conflict, bereavement, grief,
Destined to implode, Draining life’s essence,
Triggered by the unwelcome touch of another,
Rebounded into thunderous purgatory,
Escaping into a boiling dysfunctional cauldron,
Burning for eons, every feeling ceases.
And every emotional escape freezes in hell,
And there in the eve lies an offer of serenity,
To sleep peacefully in the oceanic shelter,
The psirens silhouetted in the beckoning moonlight,
Sing to draw me in, A perfect, dulcet lullabye,
Offering the ecstasy of cool, dark emptiness,
Mesmerised by the howling, angry tide below,
The footing is lost, the jagged rocks fall away.
I submit, The plummet over the ravine is swift,
The tranquility of my aqueous Mausoleum,
You’re welcome in! I’ve seen you….
In my dreams, as in life, echoing the velvet onyx abyss of your soulless heart,
And sweetly enshrouded with the eternal stench of history’s charm.
The doors, portcullis to my chamber, lay stark wide,
permitting pure precipitation to flood the ivory gateway,
In readiness for your empowering presence.
I recline as the embers cool….
The oak clock clangs breaking the deftly silence of my creamy satin nest.
The sound ceases filling my body with fear and anticipation,
Momentary ambivalence, A desperate urge to fight the mesmeric stupor,
To shut you out!
But my desire enforces paralysis and there with aching trepidation I lay.
Nubile and motionless the emerald flecks of my eyes meet your black stare,
Your gaze pierces me as you materialise from nothingness;
Tall, foreboding, pale with a mane of Earthly hair.
As you approach your cognitive grip tightens,
Our psyches coalesce!
I see your depravities; Death displaces desire,
And torture is thrust upon idolaters.
Still, I want you, that is your power.
I surrender my life to you even as your deathly, ice lips caress mine,
Unable to overcome the sense of depravity triggered by that loathsome longing,
I hesitate, in an acknowledgement of reticence your eyes,
Your stunning, seductive eyes stare into mine.
In deep swoon I am willed to relax, to fall into a waking reverie,
Filled with a sense of peace, beset by your refuge.
Then, in a climactic instant your canines penetrate my chastity,
Draining my life’s fluid and my world sinks into an obscure dusk……
Sweet sleep excludes the brilliant sun,
My only stirrings emanate from our minds merging;
Locked behind the bars of your malevolence I see victims cruelly slain,
Solely for knowing you and you watch me gazing in.
An eternal parasite cursed; Darkness, solitude and damnation,
An emptiness crying out for pity, the demon within judged for its deeds,
Fueling its anger and passions,
Driving a desire that may never be sated,
My soul builds a resistance to the disease and I implore you for a reprieve,
With no compassion my sanctuary is denied and once again you appear.
With a Tiger’s strength I draw myself from that lust filled place of rest,
Stumbling, dazed and weak my feet tread stone villa floors.
Even in my escape I am drawn to you,
Your whispers tremour through me as I desert on my steel stead.
Your imploring tones willing my return, fighting with memories of the beloved you stole,
Now just us alone in a crowded universe,
Hastily I travel through the mountain pass, mere shapes silhouetted in the dark.
My mind in turmoil and my body hungering for yours,
The cool night breeze pierces my skin, I loose control!
In a flash of metal and light my mortal flesh is broken like porcelain,
My skin ripped, my spirit weary bidding me to sleep through the trauma.
I feel you holding me like the lover you can never be, moving me, time passes…
You tend me with a callous cherishing,
Healing your prey to make it fit once again for the hunt,
And with gruesome degradation you feed me from your own veins,
And with grotesque wantonness I submit to your offering,
Overawed by the eroticism, aphrodisia and sensuality,
Your silent, false promise that you will shield me forever.
In that moment of bliss I give myself to you,
You make the pain stop,
You satisfy your own thirst!
Frozen air sneaks through the derelict boards,
I wake in an abode that has haunted my dreams, slumped coldly on chilled steps,
The crimson warmth of days passed replaced by damp rot and sombre shade,
Solitude perforates my empyrean blood,
Loss of my kin has broken my fire.
A life once so learned, travelled and communal destroyed,
You are all I have, my vengeance quelled by an unnatural proclivity,
To be yours eternally,
To be loved and subjugated equally, but your heart does not beat!
I am here at your will, forced to choose as you wish,
Punished with desolation and debility,
Infected by your fluids, which dominate my clay.
Timorously I call your name and there aloof at the window crevice,
You materialise as if there you had always been,
I beg for release from your enchantment,
To forget this agonising cry from the depths of my being,
Your numb stare repudiates my appeal.
My choices are narrowed; annihilation or eternal perdition,
Everlasting surrender to your sovereignty,
Lacerated through your necessary infidelity,
An assassin afflicted with immortality’s curse,
And yet with these apprehensions you still captivate me.
Unable to bear being abandoned in this weakened state I come to you,
I rise as you wish,
I stroke your dreadful shell succumbing to your carnality.
Your claws clasp my soft curls and the kiss you offer blazes,
Gnarled nails trail my throat, easing the silken slip strings from my shoulders,
Ivory points encircle my lips, cheeks, hair and throat.
The puncture stings with libidinous relief ebbing with each gulp,
My senses heighten, I energise and in a moment of clarity I draw from you,
Night escapes leaving the scarlet sun dawning slowly,
Before the last trickle of humanity evades me I break away,
Away from eons of emotional emptiness,
I throw myself at the mercy of the burning sun.
Exquisite burning relieves me of mortality and immortality,
You howl, you love, we should have been one.
With regret for what could have been I return to dust………
Dreams after Film Night
Eerie empty streets, sheltered by darkness,
The Parish village a cluster of Auld Shebeens,
The clinking voices echo, unnaturally,
My feet drag, eyes blind to the lights,
Into the rural wilderness, no moon,
My feet drag into the farmer’s wilderness.
Old Tom’s house is cobwebbed like his chin,
Haunting, darkened windows, eyes to the soul,
I force the derelict cottage door, expecting light,
The jolly furnishings evolved into dreary remnants,
No sign of Tom! Dust, webs and a hint of blood,
His bed now an alter, his wrapped body rises undead.
The hammering of marching corpses fill my ears,
Trapped like an arachnid’s prey I run or fly,
I am in another world, a world of melancholy,
Pushing through the bodies I struggle to escape,
There on the woodland lane shining lights descend,
Azure demons emerge from the tree’s shadows.
Some folk from the Parish await their demi-gods,
Capturing others for cruel sacrificial trauma,
I am held, forced to watch the visceral mutilations,
Only as greying daylight approaches can I escape,
Visions of flayed men tied to Monastic ruins cling,
The deceased now over run by platoons of fearsome apes.
To our kins’ home I run, a great white house, penetrable,
I ask for sanctuary, but they are determined to surrender,
I know better! To no beast will I be a mindless slave,
I plead with them to reconsider. I am sadly ignored,
Floating away I look back and see an ape covered home,
And hoards of the beasts streaming down the lane.
Can this be? An elevator in the sleepy countryside?
Reluctantly I step in, I cannot resist, but I am afraid,
The lift rises and rises for eons until jolting still,
As the doors part in steps an inhuman, handsome man,
Dark of hair, possessed by foreign beings, consumed,
He breathes out his parasite and shares it with man.
My simple life is long gone, invaded by unnatural beings,
Feelings of fear mixed with the excited rush of adrenaline,
This is the unknown, grim dimension. The apes build below,
I step into the lift and land on an unresponsive dappled mare,
Beyond the parish our familiar ocean still glows, beckoning,
Finding a wooden raft on the reef filled beach I try to leave.
The waters flow softly, not with their usual ferocity,
I drift until reaching the bedraggled, stony pier,
The apes, furious and furrowed are laying in wait,
Two sea dragons, intelligent, olive, almost human take me,
I am strapped callously to a giant steeple bell and swung,
As Buddha lies like a giant, crippling the villagers below.
The guilt rips the remains of my rotten soul,
A disheveled wretch tormented, bleeding with guilt,
Unable to look at our mother for shame,
I am not the culprit who extinguished you but she is kin,
Her action has muted my tongue forever,
Lest the matter destroy further the remnants of our home!
I beg and pray to God that this were a dream,
And I would wake confused and disorientated but free,
Knowing that my sibling lived warmed with the life’s blood,
Living in ignorance cripples the declining matriarch,
Truth would tighten the caustic chains and never set her free,
Her residual tribe would be annihilated, miscarried and that can never be!
Sister sleeping in the Earth your feet trod on many hearts,
Your sharp-tongue and blind self-indulgence hurt,
A deficiency of empathy and objectivity was your Hubris,
Never noticing the wrath filled army brimming with vexation that grew,
Blindly acting with malice scarcely shielded by our devotion,
Foolishly blundering on, your eyes obscured to your lineage’s reactions!
The vision of our kinswoman’s vengeance clouds my spirit,
Mentally she perceived you as a vicious arachnid requiring poison,
The creature, on polluting her home, was bound and lacerated,
Persecuted for its cruel infestation, unaware of its offensive presence,
The beast, reduced by acid and heat as if it never existed, expired in dread!
I struggle with blood-stained knowledge and loss of your flighty soul,
But for our lineage and forbearer I will suffer until the day I am dead!
No One’s Ghost
Today I died,
I am no one’s ghost,
Life sapped my energy,
Each day I slowly ebbed away,
Life force drained by human vampires,
Scars of emotional pain thinned my skin,
My heart bled in confused, monstrous, silence,
The hole left by those forever departed can never close,
Exhausted by the overwhelming sense of eternal, sad servitude,
The need to belong replaced with forsaken desertion and abandonment,
Drowning in a melancholy reservoir soaked in the frosty waters of pure anguish,
Unable to communicate with these strange beings of similar form, but mercenary souls,
Perplexed and bewildered by the rush of complex sensation that crowds my fragile, tortured mind,
Unable to understand the social convention and dogma that entraps accustomed people,
Frustratingly falling into awkward situations, anger at my misapplication inverted,
Lost in a world I will never comprehend, unaided, plagued with suspicions,
Learning only from mortifying, life changing errors of judgment,
Detaching slowly from the perplexity of sad heartbreak,
Incapacitated by attachment’s crippling needs,
Moods and perceptions rapidly changed,
Until no more I could endure the pain,
The wounds became numbed,
The animated zest drained,
No one’s ghost am I,
Today I died………….